It's a part of human interaction that we all have conflicting expectations and what we hear isn't always what has been said or meant. What i learned studying The Psychology of Vision and from A Course in Miracles has helped me greatly to realise that if someone is intent on having a conflict with me, they will go ahead !
Loving interactions are hallmarked by respectful, calm dialogues, where each person can say what is happening to them without brining into the talk any judgement or criticism or any negative speak.
Conflict resolution is based upon a wish to gain insights from a deeper level of mutual understanding, love and respect. Psychological research tells us, it is not possible to learn or listen when being shouted at, judged or criticised; in fact the bodys autonomic nervous systems flys into alarm mode and we are concerned with survival and no more.
If i remain in my grounded self, secure in my own self esteem, fully consciously aware of my whole true self, a peaceful soul always, remembering past listenings to the feedback of trusted friends and teachers, then i am ok. When i studied counselling at the University of Manchester, we had at least 2 modules which explored conflict resolution and the effects of conflict on the quality of our relationships and on our health. It was an amazing gift to every one of us who by virtue of our work, often found ourselves right in the middle of human conflict or on the end of it.
As Chuck Spezzano says " if another is more interested in right rather than peace, you know they are not coming from the heart but from the ego". Anger belongs to the person expressing it, their feelings are their own and their responsibility. Out of context anger is always about the past, unhealed emotional baggage and it belongs to the individual spewing it out.
When we are all committed to the power of love rather than the love of power ....... conflict ends forever.
In relationship, anger and rage and judgement breaks bond, repels the peaceful and attracts more conflicting negative energy to the person expressing it.
A peace-filled life, comes when we understand we are responsible for the quality of all our interactions, that we can walk away from others who do not share our wish for peace and that forming relationships with people who do not have that goal uppermost in their communications, is likely to lead us to grief.
Loving, living lovingly and peacefully is all about talking personal responsibility, not wildly blaming or judging another nor "thinking" that we are superior or right. If someone is shouting and in anger, it is always with themselves, you can do nothing to help that person. They have locked themselves into the blame game; they will veer from the role of persecutor, victim, rescuer, they cannot be heart centred until they clear out the baggage and the only person who can liberate them from a cycle of negativity and grief is themselves.
As Abraham Hicks points out we learn by contrast, let people go, thank them for gifting you a lesson, for showing you where you are not and for all you can learn from that experience :)
Peace xx
